Rochak Chauhan::Unpredictably Exciting

There was an article posted in Times of India by the author of  ‘A Case of Exploding Mangoes’,  Mohammed Hanif.

The original post can be found here:  http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3932145.cms

He tried to justify Pakistan by bringing 10 Myths.  All I want to do was respond to each one of them… No Offense Mr Mohammed

1. Living in Pakistan and reading about it in the Indian press can sometimes be quite a disorienting experience:

   • Mohammed Hanif: One wonders what place on earth
     they’re talking about? I wouldn’t be surprised if an Indian reader going through Pakistani papers has asked the same question in recent days. Here are some common assumptions about Pakistan and its citizens that I have come across in the Indian media…
   • Rochak Chauhan: So far, I have no Idea what you talking about. But, I myself have some pet peeves, lets bring them on….

2. Pakistan controls the jihadis:

   • Mohammed Hanif: Pakistan’s government controls the jihadis or Pakistan Army controls the jihadis. Or ISI controls the jihadis. Or some rogue elements from the ISI control the Jihadis. Nobody knows the whole truth but increasingly it’s the tail that wags the dog. We must remember that the ISI-Jihadi alliance was a marriage of convenience, which has broken down irrevocably. Pakistan army has lost more soldiers at the hands of these jihadis than it ever did fighting India.
   • Rochak Chauhan: Oh Really ? Then who is funding, training and sheltering them ? I don’t think Afghanistan has money even to buy bread and butter for its people. What is the purpose of the training camps in POK (aka Azad Kashmir). I don’t think Pakistan army is being trained there. Mhh.. I wonder who else can be using the facility then?

3. Musharraf was in control, Zardari is not:

   • Mohammed Hanif: Let’s not forget that General Musharraf seized power after he was fired from his job as the army chief by an elected prime minister. Musharraf first appeased jihadis, then bombed them, and then appeased them again. The country he left behind has become a very dangerous place, above all for its own citizens. There is a latent hankering in sections of the Indian middle class for a strongman. Give Manmohan Singh a military uniform, put all the armed forces under his direct command, make his word the law of the land, and he too will go around thumping his chest saying that it’s his destiny to save India from Indians . Zardari will never have the kind of control that Musharraf had. But Pakistanis do not want another Musharraf. Pakistan, which Pakistan? For a small country, Pakistan is very diverse, not only ethnically but politically as well. General Musharraf’s government bombed Pashtuns in the north for being Islamists and close to the Taliban and at the same time it bombed Balochs in the South for NOT being Islamists and for subscribing to some kind of retro-socialist, anti Taliban ethos. You have probably heard the joke about other countries having armies but Pakistan’s army having a country. Nobody in Pakistan finds it funny.
   • Rochak Chauhan: Then that’s not a myth is it ? You your self proved that army chief in Pakistan (in this example Musharraf) has more power than an elected President or a Prime Minister. Of course Musharraf was in control, he has power to stop, negotiate and attack these jihadis at will (eg. Lal Masjid incident). Its a shame but its a fact and in Pakistan and Terkey, Army runs the govenment. Trust me Indians don’t find is funny either but the funny part is Pakistan is still called a Demoracy.  Zardari sadly is nothing more than a mouthpiece. He has no actual power or authority. I feel sorry for him as he is nothing more than a Scrape goat in case something goes wrong.

4. Pakistan and its loose nukes:

   • Mohammed Hanif: Pakistan’s nuclear programme is under a sophisticated command and control system, no more under threat than India or Israel’s nuclear assets are threatened by Hindu or Jewish extremists. For a long time Pakistan’s security establishment’s other strategic asset was jihadi organisations, which in the last couple of years have become its biggest liability.
   • Rochak Chauhan: Well, when we say “loose nukes” we simply mean that the nuclear weapons are not in complete control of the elected government but the person who heads Army. If he wishes he can make use of it leaving the so called elected government to pay of its consequences.

5. Pakistan is a failed state:

   • Mohammed Hanif: If it is, then Pakistanis have not noticed. Or they have lived in it for such a long time that they have become used to its dysfunctional aspects. Trains are late but they turn up, there are more VJs, DJs, theatre festivals, melas, and fashion models than a failed state can accommodate. To borrow a phrase from President Zardari, there are lots of non-state actors like Abdul Sattar Edhi who provide emergency health services, orphanages and shelters for sick animals.
   • Rochak Chauhan: I agree with you on this one, Pakistanis have not noticed it. Like you mentioned a little while ago, army chief can “Steal” power from elected leader anytime. A Popular leader is killed in a public rally and even after more than a year no one bothers to find the mastermind. Countries economy is going down, and unemployment is rising like the number of terror originations. Organisations providing help and support for earthquake victims are also funding terror groups. The worst part is that even the elected government has no clue.

6. Pakistan is a deeply religious country:

   • Mohammed Hanif: Every half-decent election in this country has proved otherwise. Religious parties have never won more than a fraction of popular vote. Last year Pakistan witnessed the largest civil rights movements in the history of this region. It was spontaneous, secular and entirely peaceful. But since people weren’t raising anti-India or anti-America slogans, nobody outside Pakistan took much notice.
   • Rochak Chauhan: Well I don’t thing there is any doubt in anyone’s mind that Pakistan is a deeply Religious country. As a matter of fact you should not shy away from the fact too. To some extend it can be positive and can be a matter of pride. No one has any issue or problem with this fact. However when the radical groups use religion as an excuse to spread terror, that’s where we all have to draw a line.

7. All Pakistanis hate India:

   • Mohammed Hanif: Three out of four provinces in Pakistan - Sindh, Baluchistan, NWFP - have never had any popular anti-India sentiment ever. Punjabs who did impose India as enemy-in-chief on Pakistan are now more interested in selling potatoes to India than destroying it. There is a new breed of al-Qaida inspired jihadis who hate a woman walking on the streets of Karachi as much as they hate a woman driving a car on the streets of Delhi. In fact there is not much that they do not hate: they hate America, Denmark, China, CDs, barbers, DVDs , television, even football. Imran Khan recently said that these jihadis will never attack a cricket match but nobody takes him seriously.
   • Rochak Chauhan: I’ll have to partially agree with you on this one. That being said, I need to make one point clear. You can not draw parallels between jihadis hating a woman walking in Karachi and women in Delhi. In my opinion, jihadis or talibani would just beat up the woman in Karachi for not wearing a burkha, but I am pretty sure they will torture and behead/blow up the Indian woman. Allow me to borrow a quote from the Mumbai Terror attack mastermind “..Kill all the Jew, Israeli and India… Let all Muslims go..”

8. Training camps:

   • Mohammed Hanif: There are militant sanctuaries in the tribal areas of Pakistan but definitely not in Muzaffarabad or Muridke, two favourite targets for Indian journalists, probably because those are the cities they have ever been allowed to visit. After all how much training do you need if you are going to shoot at random civilians or blow yourself up in a crowded bazaar? So if anyone thinks a few missiles targeted at Muzaffarabad will teach anyone a lesson, they should switch off their TV and try to locate it on the map. .
   • Rochak Chauhan: Your ignorance amuses me. These people are not only physically train but also brain washed. They are promised a place in heaven and a lot of money for their family.  The same was offered to Kasab for Mumbai attack. If I give you an unloaded AK 47, trust me you will have a hard time killing a moving elephant. These jihadis are train to handle various weapon, warfare, communication devices and survival tactics.  I would like you try to survive on dry fruits and fight law enforcers for couple of days.

9. RAW would never do what ISI does:

   • Mohammed Hanif: Both the agencies have had a brilliant record of creating mayhem in the neighboring countries. Both have a dismal record when it comes to protecting their own people. There is a simple reason that ISI is a bigger, more notorious brand name: It was CIA’s franchise during the jihad against the Soviets. And now it’s busy doing jihad against those very jihadis.
   • Rochak Chauhan: I don’t know how you can even draw any parallels between RAW and ISI. You see ISI has one job and only one job, to train jihadis and send them to India. Why you may ask? well so that time after a terror attack Pakistani mouthpiece a.k.a Prime Minister can offer to talk about the key issue “KASHMIR”. The job or RAW is just to predict these attacks and stop them.

10. Pakistan is poor, India is rich:

    • Mohammed Hanif: Pakistanis visiting India till the mid-eighties came back very smug. They told us about India’s slums, and that there was nothing to buy except handicrafts and saris. Then Pakistanis could say with justifiable pride that nobody slept hungry in their country. But now, not only do people sleep hungry in both the countries, they also commit suicide because they see nothing but a lifetime of hunger ahead. A debt-ridden farmer contemplating suicide in Maharashtra and a mother who abandons her children in Karachi because she can’t feed them: this is what we have achieved in our mutual desire to teach each other a lesson.
    • Rochak Chauhan: LOL ! Will try to keep emotions out of it but I would like to repeat myself, that your ignorance amuses me. Mid-Eighties? Did you just come out of Hibernation? India is in 21 first century, our economy is one of the fastest growing economy in Asia. All major MNCs have at least one office in India. Unlike Pakistan, India does not need to go around with a begging bowl asking World Bank, US, China, Saudi Arab etc to give it a few million dollars and free oil

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
21. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers.
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week.
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success…. Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.